I have an every day religion that works for me. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line…Lucille Ball
“So can I get away with it?” Last night over dinner I sort of fluffed my hair and looked at Scott. He stared back a little quizzically. He thought a moment and then acknowledged with some feedback. “It is not going to be perfect, but it will have to work. You don’t have time to wash it.” Alas, he was right. I was referring to the state of my hair. It was late, I still wanted to type up my WIAW post and something had to give. It was my hair. It was an odd moment of sorts, because it was a marker of how much our relationship has evolved over the years.
Love Yourself First
If you are newer to reading The Bikini Experiment, I should explain that I met Scott because he was my personal trainer at my local gym in NJ many moons ago. We met exactly four years ago next week. I affectionately refer to this date as our “training-versary.” It was so nerve wracking to be assigned the “cute trainer.” I was so intimidated to have to expose my lack of training skills as well as inability to pick out coordinating gym outfits. Total anxiety I tell you.
Saturday is Valentine’s Day, and it caused me to reflect a little bit about love, relationships and all that jazz. I never had a boyfriend in high school, and was sort of a late bloomer when it came to romance. Valentine’s Day always felt like an enormous amount of pressure. Like I was barreling towards an enormous deadline where I needed to come up with a boyfriend, a crush, or a date! Something had to be happening. If someone asked what my plans were for the big day I would be absolutely mortified to share that there were in fact no plans at all. Unfortunately, my younger self was much more concerned about what people said about me. Nothing was worse than being told I was pretty, and thus should automatically have a boyfriend. Since I was “pretty” there must be something wrong with me on a deeper level, right?
I went out, made the effort and still it was just not in the cards for me yet. When would it all happen? Well, fast forward many years, dates, and several relationships later. I am asking my boyfriend if I can get away with dirty hair. Man, the times have changed. So in essence this Valentine’s Day had me considering what I would tell my younger self about a silly Hallmark holiday that is really just about hearts and treats.
You are enough. Sometimes I would like to rewind a little bit and dedicate that lost time to a much more evolved pursuit. I could have learned a 2nd language or read a thousand more books if I was not flittering my time away worrying that there was something wrong with me. When I would meet the perfect boyfriend? Gosh, what a big waste of time.
The timing has to be right. This was always a big pill to swallow. Now that I am older I know this saying is completely true. The stars have to align for the right person to come into your life. Work on yourself and the things that are important to you in the mean time. Re-reading a copy of “The Rules” does not count. Yup, guilty. 🙂
Ignore what others say. Most people are too concerned with themselves to truly worry about what you are doing. Unless they are close and invested in how much they care about you. They often say things that can cut you to the bone. Consider the source.
Love changes. Romantic love is not the same as other types of love. There are so many elements required to make it work. Sometimes I miss those butterflies I felt when I had first met Scott and I was nervous for our next session at the gym. Would he text me to confirm? Was there a deeper meaning behind the smiley face at the end of his text? However, that excitement has been replaced with the comfort that I can ask him anything. Hence, the dirty hair question. The time we have spent together has created an entirely new bond.
Getting the boyfriend or the husband is not the end all be all. Often, it is just the beginning. Even good relationships require a lot of work, commitment and compromise. You always have to remember that it needs to be nurtured to grow.
In summary, I would tell my younger self to simply love and accept myself for where I was in my life. Often in life there is an element that we need to surrender to fate and chance. I would tell myself that it is ok to be uncertain and embrace the ride. The next chapter in the story will all be revealed in due time. Love yourself first.
Linking up with Amanda to share my thoughts on life, love, relationships and Valentine’s Day today.
Question of the Day: What would you tell your younger self about love?
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